Wednesday. 3.5.08 5:10 am
Words: 619
Was dwelling on otiose issues once again in class.
And this time round, it's all about myself.
At many of times, I seriously wonder ... what am I good in/at?
Have I done anything that contributed to the society during my 17 years of life?
Am I capable of taking drastic challenges the future?
Do I hold any qualities thats able to aid me in my career?
These questions may look pretty simple to some but as for me, I am on the other end.
No matter how hard I try to contemplate on these questions, I just can't arrive at any plausible answers/ answers that would make me satisfied.
Personally, I do think that some of these answers actually exist.
But the main reason of my failure in arriving to them is the lack of understanding of myself.
Yes you read it right, in simple terms, it means that I do not understand myself well at all.
I know it's quite a joke, but please hold your laughter and read on.
And for those that ain't taking me for real, I can't be more serious than this.
Truth is, I don't understand myself well at all. In fact its highly possible for some of my closer "fwens" to know me better.
My primary/secondary school life was exciting, in a way or another.
I had my own slice of ups and downs. With "downs" being the majority and ups were hardly visible since primary 4.
Skipping/dropping from stream to stream became my way of celebrating new year since then.
Due to that, I have met all sorts of people in my life.
Naturally, when facing the different groups of people, I acted differently, very differently.
Not forgetting that I have my own set of friends outside school too.
And many of them are easily a decade older than me.
So today, I consider myself as a good blend of many different personalities.
Each of them being unique and different from the other. With some being on two extreme ends.
Good example will be being an introvert and extrovert at the same time.
So for not knowing myself well enough, I am a failure.
The famous quote from sun tzu says, "Only knowing both your enemies and yourself will make you win all battles."
It's a direct Chinese to English translation from me, so pardon me for the bad English or whatever.
Point 2 now.
Teachers and people of older ages often tell me I am talented and I hold immense potential to make it big in the future.
To be honest, I do like it whenever they say that. Chemical rushes in my body and it makes my ego hikes.
But as much as I want to agree and believe in them, I just can't in some situations.
I do think that I am superior to others in certain aspects, good example will be speed in grasping concepts and making learning looks easy to others.
But after much deep thoughts, it's nothing. Fact is, all individuals holds talents in different way. Maybe mine is just more prominent ... or something.
I can't be more average.
Last of all.
If there is anything that I am certain about myself now. It would probably be my serious lack in determination and discipline.
The two critical aspects that is essential to what humans claim as "success".
My rapidly deteriorating academics results over the years are good evidence to this.
Secret hopes and dreams are also taken away from me just because of the lack in these two qualities.
Bah~ I suck.
Concluding, I am good for nothing.
Thank you for reading the humble summary of my life.
PS: Oh shit, this post feels really awkward and emo at the same time.
1. never think of urself as good for nothing
2. since u realised success don't come easy, take action before it's too late.
3. if u know u r destined to do something big, take action.
4. have confidence in urself no matter what because u only have urself as the pillar when comes to a crucial moment.
5. take action now.
6. all the best to u.
» renaye on 2008-03-05 09:46:49
Try reading this: http://www.giftedservices.com.au/adults.html. I'm almost 27 and at your age I was having moments like this too. It's natural, you're only 17 - the knowledge of yoursefl comes in time. Do you know that teenagers think with a different part of the brain than the adults? And that the brain finishes developing in the firts half of the 20s http://www.abqtrib.com/news/2007/mar/30/brain-doesnt-mature-until-20s-experts-say/ ? You're ride in life it's just getting intersting. We people learn all our live. It would be boring and pointless if it wasn't that way.
» Nessaja on 2008-03-05 04:33:55
dont give up hey man, i've been following your blog for quite some time. during which i've seen you mature quite a bit and i must say, you do write very well these days.
it's good that you're asking questions about what you want to be, because in life, the most important thing we can have are dreams, and choices.
just continue to work hard, doors will open, chances will come. Having a choice is what life is all about, don't lose that privilege.
» Koban on 2008-03-06 06:27:45
Renaye: Hey, thanks for the encouragement. I do appreciate it (=
And concerning point number 4, I aint exactly the kind of person that holds extremely low self esteem/confidence, its just that I tend to look at myself from a extremely critical point of view at times.
So yeah, you should understand me.
Nessaja: Woah, your first link certainly helped me to sort out my emotions quite alot.
But as I have said, I am not exactly gifted lol.
Still, thanks!
Koban: Mature? Heh perhaps I did over the years. At the same time it could just be the facade of how i present myself in my blog lol. I take this as an compliment anyway, thanks for that!
But as for the compliment on my command of English, I will have to disagree.
Even though I am striving pretty hard to be a journalist, I dont think I write very well at all.
It's just inferior when compared to some others I know.
I am sitting on average at most.
» L-Lawliet on 2008-03-06 07:41:11
nah don't worry too much. just read and continue to write in blog more. you'll be amazed at the "standard" of eng in unis, i'm a culprit too lol
» Koban on 2008-03-06 08:57:26
That article helped me at it's moment too - put some things at ease. You're welcome.
» Nessaja on 2008-03-07 07:46:51
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